Chapter 4: Snowdale Shitstorm

E

ven after the spring thaw in Snowdale (where "spring thaw" means the hot springs have resurfaced), it’s far too cold for most to be without heavy outerwear. The last thing you would expect to see is a grown man stroll into town, remove his trousers and to begin to thoroughly relieve his bowels in the town square. The guards were at first impressed that this man had taken a shit that put the whole stable of horses to shame. Once finished with their bewildered staring, they approached cautiously, praying he was finished. Igor Krevasse was still trying to shake off the final clinger, when the guards confronted him with his crime. As the guard reached out to take him by the arm, the stranger was spooked (apparently Igor’s last party had tried to rape him). He sprang into the air, which successfully detached the dangling defecation. In an impressive display of agility, Igor put on his trousers, both legs at once, and hit the ground running. The guards were once again caught off-guard and needed a second to reflect before giving chase.

Having just witnessed this ludicrous display from the tavern window, the local rogue decides to help out this athletic clown, and heads out the back exit to intercept the guards. Being a second too late due to stumbling through his laughter, Sloan finds he must chase down the guards he sought to sap.

The party awakens cold and sore from being left unconscious on the street.

Kilkas.................. -"Where the fuck are we?!?"

Aida.................... -"Oh no, not again..."

Jarod.................. -"Where'd that shady sorcerer run off to?"

Ethiriel................ -"SHH! There are people running towards us, several are armored, like guards."

Aida to Jarod....... -"Throw me one end of your rope and hold the other tight"

Ethiriel & Kilkas.... -"What are you doing?!"

Aida.................... -"Fishing for information, and LOLs"

Igor comes barreling down the alley, doesn't see the rope and trips, but his magnificent reflexes come through for him and he rolls back to his feet without losing pace. The guards were not so fortunate; they fell flat on their faces, unconscious. Sloan followed the guards on their eager attempt to become one with the earth, and his drawn pick found its way into a guards head on the way down. Aida immediately takes off running and laughing, as her little prank caused a bit more damage than intended, and was soon followed by the party (some speechless, others in similar hysterics). Hearing the collision and seeing the bloodshed, the Igor takes off after the group that incapacitated his pursuers. Having severely broken his nose, the Sloan chases down the party who dared mar his good looks.

Now far out of town, in the middle of an open field, Kilkas the dwarf bellows a repetition of his previous question, "WHERE THE FUCK ARE WE!?!" By this time he has been left behind by the party and is easily followed by the strangers. Seeing that his 'friends' heard his call and were returning to him, Kilkas takes a minute to rest. Everyone arrives at the dwarf about the same time. The stranger introduced himself as Igor Krevasse a Duskblade looking for work and a place to wipe his ass. The rogue called himself Sloan, and was upset about his face. He calmed significantly when the laughing girl handed him a healing potion to go along with her greeting and apology. With amends made, apologies accepted, and introductions out of the way, the group finds they have made two new allies.

They knew they couldn't return to the town after all the shit and shenanigans. So the rogue pointed out a far off stronghold where he felt we could spend the night. As we approached, the lack of guards at this 'stronghold' began to worry the rangers. "You two, with the noisy chain-mail, stand watch at the entrance while we sneak in and search for clues," whispered Jarod. The four entered the keep and found the first and second floors empty of all but torches. Etheriel the elf seemed to think it safe to bring the others so she went back for them. Jarod, Igor and Sloan continued upstairs.

They found the third floor eerily dark, and with no other light source handy, Igor summoned some dancing lights into the room. While illuminating the room quite nicely, it also immediately freaked out the horde of bats that were sleeping overhead. The rest of us arrived soon after, and everyone started flailing about trying to annihilate the attacking swarm. After many rodent casualties, and several minor bites, the swarm flew off. Sloan and Aida collected several corpses for food, should they find time to cook them.

On the next floor we found scattered piles of weapons and clothing. A quick search found nothing of obvious value, and we headed up the stairs once more. This flight brought us up to the roof. We were met with a breath-taking view of the valley, and village, and…DRAGON!

Off in the distance, something clearly larger than we were prepared for was swooping in for the attack! Aida was again first to react, and blasted through her companions and down the stairs. She was soon followed by the rangers and Igor, but Sloan and Kilkas were too slow. The gleam of the dwarf’s hammer must have thrown off the beast’s aim, because the dwarf escaped sudden death by the hair on his chinny-chin-chin. After promptly soiling his trousers, Kilkas took a mighty swing at the wyvern’s behind, missed and went downstairs. Sloan let fly some arrows before joining the party a floor down.

These two were greeted by Aida who, feeling they would be trapped in this keep till that thing got bored, was cooking several bats over a small pile of burning clothing. “That abomination won’t be getting bored until it falls to pieces, miss. As it is an undead wyvern, I got a close enough look at its rotting carcass.” the dwarven priest told the young girl, before he grabbed some spare trousers and followed the rest of the party to the ground floor.

BOOM

The tower shuddered as the massive creature began to beat in the roof. As the party strategized below, the girl began spreading a trail of oil from her lamp.

BOOM

Dust and bits of stone fell from the ceiling form the next blow. She had finished spreading the oil and retreated down stairs as her inferno engulfed the room.

BOOM
               SCREECH
               THUD

The wyvern screamed as its latest blow knocked itself off-balance and it fell from the tower. Five stories below, the earth shook with the impact. Kilkas was still in the doorway as Aida reached the bottom floor. In her hurry, and for her own amusement, she leap-frogged over his head, much to his chagrin. Jarod and Igor immediately went outside to see if they could find a weakness while the beast was stunned. Ethiriel and Sloan followed a second later. Aida stuck her head out the door and wished them luck. The fool-hardy few who ventured out managed to piss it off a little more before running back inside. Jarod had taken a direct hit from its claw. Aida handed him a healing potion as he hobbled in, and Kilkas sent up a prayer for some divine healing.

SWISH

The wyvern shot his tail through the door and barely missed Igor; who responded by sending a ray of enfeeblement to sap the beast of its great strength. Those skilled with the bow sent a volley of arrows through the door. Aida and Kilkas waited on either side with their weapons prepped to play whack-a-tail.

boom

The duskblade’s spells were working. That last attack was far weaker than the ones before it fell from the tower. We continued this cycle until the wyvern was nearly too weak to stand. Aida and Sloan dove past the beast to gain better angles of attack. After minutes that seemed like hours, through sheer luck and determination, the beast was slain.